When Donald Trump is Alone in the Bathroom

As a 76 year-old man in somewhat surprising health (nothing awful or fatal on the horizon), I have been imagining what must go through Donald Trump’s mind when he is in his bathroom at Mar-a-Lago. For instance, does he think much about his longevity, about how much longer he has? What old man doesn’t?

Unfortunately, his bathroom must have mirrors, which has to be, in some ways, a real bummer for him. I wonder how much he really checks himself out or how much he averts his eyes. It must be a real challenge to his ego — this man who claimed at one of his political rallies in October 2024, to be fitter than Barack Obama. I’d really like to see him play even five minutes of basketball.

What does he see in that mirror? We have some evidence from some women, like Stormy Daniels, but frankly most of us can see the reality of his corpulence for ourselves. The slimming undergarments he wears don’t actually fully do the job. His self-consciousness about his suit jacket and tie are evident and his orders to his tailor must be all about “slimming.”

There actually is a lot men can do to project a much fitter image, even when they are overweight and out of shape. For instance, an AI overview online recommends “wearing well-fitting clothes in dark colors like navy, charcoal, and black, opting for vertical lines or a monochromatic look, choosing V-neck shirts, and ensuring their trousers are the right length; avoid baggy clothes, horizontal stripes, and overly tight fits while maintaining good posture.” Donald’s very long red tie is part of that vertical strategy.

I have always been somewhat amused but mostly horrified by Trump’s behavior directed at the Prime Minister of Montenegro at the 2017 NATO meeting where he shoves the Prime Minister out of the way so he can get to the front line and primp. And boy, does he primp, the whole kit and caboodle, putting on a look of utter arrogance and superiority on his face, pulling his waistline in, and adjusting his jacket and tie (oddly blue in this case).

If that one small offense doesn’t tell you something really disturbing about the man’s unhealthy narcissism, nothing probably does. I do, also, imagine he does things like this is his bathroom mirror, practicing the look of stern supremacy, trying on different facial expressions, prepping himself for being in front of millions of cameras.

I wonder about Trump’s ability, as a 78-year-old man, to urinate without leaking all over the place. Does he wear adult diapers? I have heard it suggested that there is no doubt he does, and that he must. Does he have bowel movement problems? These all must be a terrible affronts to his manhood. It’s not something older men who must wear them like to admit. I’m lucky so far, but I wonder what must he look like underneath his street clothes?

Finally, as do most older men (and, of course, women), we ponder our demise. It can be really irritating. I’m old but I am still having lots of fun, enjoying my life, in total power again, making tons of money, still grabbing pussy. Despite all of his fantasies to the contrary, Trump can’t but help looking at himself in that bathroom mirror and wonder “why must I die?” I am perfect in every way, I am a “very stable genius,” I am the most successful businessman ever., everything I do is “historic,” “epic,” “tremendous,” “the biggest ever.” There must be something I can do to live for ever. How much?

So, what purpose does this post serve, you may be asking? These are physical and self-image conditions we all are facing, including this man who has four years to be in command as President of the United States of America. Combine these physical and bathroom concerns with what we know of his cognitive, educational, and emotional deficits, and it’s not so much that we have a man who is in every way unqualified to be our President. It’s more that we have one who seeks the historic, the epic, the tremendous and the biggest ever, but only for himself.